but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
