Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
