Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
