end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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