The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
