oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
