I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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