And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
