I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
