Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
