I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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