My cat gives me a boner
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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