Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
