Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
