Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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