my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
