I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
