Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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