I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
