I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
