2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
