Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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