so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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