i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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