Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
