Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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