Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he told me I talked like a deaf person
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
