Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
