I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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