Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
