We got so high we made milksteak
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
