u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my sisters under your porch take her home
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
