remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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