You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
