I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
