the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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