Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize