Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
