Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
