Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
