my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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