He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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