Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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