Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
