so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
