When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
