Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
