Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize