My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
