It's Friday. Sex?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
