it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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