we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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