i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
