I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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