So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize