I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
