I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
