In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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