Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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