i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
