Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
