I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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