Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
