Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
