I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
