if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
