You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
