I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
