I can text with my tongue
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
