I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
