Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
