After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I smell like Dick and happiness
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