You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
