it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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