It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
