I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
