You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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