I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize