Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
