Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
