when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
