Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
