Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
