I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
