i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
