I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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