god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
