How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
