He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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