so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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