i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
