WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
