C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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