Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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