That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
