I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
