My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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