More tranny stories later!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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