I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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