24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
