sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
