the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
