I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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