You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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